Yesterday, in the midst of the three squares I prepare and clean up each day, I made the push to vacuum the house and sweep the kitchen, mop the kitchen and entry way, wash and fold two loads of laundry, and bake a cake for the family's sweet tooth. I should mention that I'm still breast feeding my youngest of four boys, the oldest turning 7 years this month. I note yesterday's accomplishments because I think they're a contributing factor to the hopelessness I wrestle with today.
Today has been a mirror of yesterday - breakfast, dishes, snacks, dishes, mopping pee off the kitchen floor, more laundry, re-packing the kitchen drawer for the 5th time today (it keeps the baby busy while I prepare meals and wash dishes). I was on the brink of overwhelming despair when I suddenly realized that one day, not tomorrow, but one day in the far off future, my life will not resemble my current day-to-day at all. My life will be unrecognizable.
Waking on my own. Sleeping through the night. Showering at my leisure. Wearing make-up. Fixing my own, and only my own, breakfast. Washing only my clothes. Dressing myself, and no others. Buying only my own clothes. Maybe a jog in the morning, or a bike ride to cap the day. Only scheduling my own dentist appointments. Leaving the dishes in the sink all day (there will only be 2-5 by the time dinner rolls around). Saving water. Saving energy. Planting flowers. Reading books. Time for Pilates.
It was a life-giving moment, it really was. It was a fresh breeze that gave me the determination to plough on - something to aim for. I will enjoy my future freedom that much more if I endure my current monotony with a grace that believes it is only temporary.
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